Thursday, January 19, 2012

Lonely Place

I have followed the Candida Diet before, so I am fortunate enough to know what to expect. The first time I did it, we lovingly, or not-so-lovingly, refer to it as my exorcism.  By simply  removing difficult to digest foods and only eating lean veggies and protein, my body revolted.  I was nauseous, every pain I ever had in my body multiplied by 10, I vomitted for days, I was weak...it was brutal to say the least.  I didn't expect all of that, but thankfully, I had a nutritionist coaching me every minute of the day.  She told me "that's normal" and "this is what will happen next" and she prayed for me.  I think she really started praying when she discovered that, as she said, I was the worst case she had ever seen.  At that point, I was doing it on my own, through this nutritionist simply because I was referred to her by a friend.  I wasn't completely in the know, but I did know that no one else was able to help me up to that point.

This time around, I have found myself in a very lonely place.  That nutritionist is gone and I am following the diet on my own (and with my sweet husband, too!)  I should say "We" are alone because Babe is very much involved in helping me get well.  When I am dragging, he is picking me up.  When you do this diet, it is also considered a detox, or cleanse.  All the bad stuff is getting out and you don't want to take meds or painkillers or anything that will get back in your system and cause more problems.  So when I say I was in pain, I was in pain.  For my pain, my doctors have given me many refills of Vicadin to get through a day.  All that pain magnifies when you are nauseated, vomitting, and tired.  My stomach bloated and burned like none other.  All the symptoms of illness in your body get worse as they heal which, for me, meant torment.  I couldn't sleep through the pain, I couldn't get comfortable and no one could help me.

Babe was so upset one night because he wanted to take me to the ER.  I WANTED painkillers, too!  But we knew that the doctors would only admit me for tests, tell me my stomach was completely inflamed and occluded and do more tests and more meds and the cycle would continue.  The cycle I have been in for 20 years.

It was at that moment that I tearfully told Babe that we were alone.  It was us and God and no one else.  No one else could come close to understanding WHY I was putting myself through this diet and why I was putting up with excruciating pain.  The first time around, I had blind faith in my nutritionist who told me what to expect.  This time I KNEW what was on the other side.  I knew that I would have days of total hell (to be exact), but I knew that it would be worth it in the end.

Our society puts a whole lot of faith in doctors.  I have great relationships with all my doctors...yes, I have many :)  There comes a point, though, that you have to think about what is good for you and your health and your family.  There is still SO MUCH we don't know about our bodies and drugs and diseases.  We can't expect our doctors to know absolutely everything.  When you get to a place like I am, where the people whom I have trusted to keep me alive through surgeries and painful days cannot help me anymore, it becomes frightening. Very frightening.

And thus, the Lord has me where he wants me and that is on my knees, begging for his mercies and for His healing over my body.  AND, sharing my story with you.

I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.  Philippians 4:13

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