Jesus is in My Heart!

But those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction.  Job 36:15

I started having issues with my tummy, about 17 years ago, when I was a junior in college.  Since the beginning, I have not been the typical patient in a GI office waiting room.  I have had many sweet and endearing conversations with little old ladies and little old men who like to talk about their bowels.  I always felt the stares as I walked into the office knowing people were wondering, "Why is she here?"  Maybe I was paranoid, but my feelings have always been confirmed when I met a doctor or nurse for the first time.  "But you don't look sick!"  Since we are counting blessings, I think we are up to #6 or #7.  I have always counted it a huge blessing that while my insides are sick, that no one can tell by looking at me.  I do have many bad days, but if I am down, I am out and no one witnesses those bad days beyond my family.  If I am feeling OK, I am out and about and no one knows.  A beautiful thing, indeed!

When I had my appointment with the surgeon at UT Houston, the parade of residents and med students came into my room to see me.  They non-chalantly asked what was wrong.  When I got into the details of my surgical history, the fact that I hadn't eaten more than broth in two weeks and the extent of the pain I was in, the resident's jaw was open.  "But you look so....so put together," she said.  I guess I can say, I didn't arrive in my jammies and house shoes?  Not sure what a sick person is supposed to look like.  It was the first time in the entire 17 years of illness that my hackles kind of went up.  She had no ill-intent and was very nice.  I guess I had already been through so much I just didn't feel like proving I was sick.  Having a medical background, I am generally credited with being a very good source and knowledgeable as to what has gone on with me.  As soon as she heard my story and saw my insides, she grimaced and told me what a sick girl I was.  I already knew...

It was that day that I decided my reserved response to those comments will be, "Because I have Jesus in my heart."  By the shocking looks and the "oohs" and "aahhs" and the desire to share my case with the medical students every time I step foot in a hospital, I know I look better than I should.  I do know that, am so grateful for that and know that there is only one reason.  I am covered in prayer by leagues, and I mean leagues, of amazing friends.

I have been brought to tears so many times in the last couple weeks that my poor hubs never knows if its from pain, discouragement or joy...usually it's all three at once :)  Usually the pain makes me more catatonic, but the tears begin to rush every time someone does something nice for us.  I don't know of a better word than just humbling.  So very humbling to stand in awe of pure acts of kindness in an effort to help my crazy family operate smoothly while I am down.  A dear friend started a Care Calendar for us that has provided us with so much love and support and many delicious meals for my family!  In addition, she so preciously included a prayer calendar and sends out regular updates on my status.  Those status updates are forwarded to others, some I don't even know.  After the really long and bad day in the hospital, I finally was coherent enough to look at my messages in the evening where I found text after text and email after email from friends telling me they were saying a prayer for me.  When I got home from the hospital, cards from friends saying they were praying for me.  Prayers from people who are friends from childhood, college, old cities, new home...friends I may not have seen in years, but they are praying friends.  They are real friends and they are treasured friends that I will hold dear every day I am alive.  Every day something so sweet happens and every day I cry tears of joy and wonderment that these people care so much about us.

Yesterday, on our way to Houston to the GI appointment, I was attached to another forwarded email about my health to a group we are involved in explaining my situation and sharing the care calendar.  I tried reading it to Babe and I got all choked up.  And he, too, said how in awe he was of how amazing and wonderfully supportive our friends are and how blessed we are.  I told him how HARD it is for me to receive.  In that moment I realized I am a giver.  I want to do all these things for MY friends and people who need help.  I want to do the giving, but the receiving is so very hard, especially when it is just so much.

Multiple times in the past weeks I have received notes from my children's teachers telling me they are praying for me.  First and foremost, my children's public school teachers love the LORD!  Amen! :)  I can't begin to even touch the surface of all the prayers that are going up for us and we don't take them lightly.  They work, my friends.  We are a testament to the fact that we are living on prayer and oh, how prayer is sustaining us every day!

As I am starting to be able to write all the "Thank you's" for all the generosity, I have realized what an incredible position I am in.  By being ill, and being in the trenches, I have become so much more vulnerable, realizing I cannot do this on my own.  I do need my friends, I do need my family, I do need the prayer and that is what is getting me through this trying time.  I am so lucky to be in a position where I can verbally tell my friends how special they are to me, how much they mean to me, and how grateful....how VERY grateful I am to have such beautiful Jesus-loving friends in my life.

They are the reason I don't look sick.  Jesus is in my heart...and he hears their prayers for me!

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  Romans 12:12