I have had TWO days in a row that have been relatively good! I don't think that has happened, yet, and I am trying not to expect anything but the same for tomorrow. It's hard, though. I like to think I am pretty rational and after battling Crohn's for 15 years, I have a pretty high pain tolerance. However, the intensity and longevity of the pain in the last month has been so great that I have found myself in moments of real anxiety fearing the pain. If I feel a twinge coming on, even if it's not really bad yet, I start to get the shakes and sweats and my heart starts racing. I feel real panicky and I get fidgety. Anyone want to diagnose me? I am guessing its my fear of the intense pain, as too many times, my pain pills couldn't touch it. A bout of anxiety, for sure. It's not a good feeling. I have great sympathy for anyone who struggles with true anxiety issues.
The good news is yesterday was pretty good. I pushed myself a little harder energy-wise and didn't push myself food-wise. The combination was a good one. By 3:30pm I was ready for bed and didn't allow myself to nap until I dropped dead in bed at 8:30pm. I wasn't sure I would make it, as mentioned above. When I get over-tired I start getting shooting pains in my lower abdomen. I don't know why, but it's always when it's time for nap or time for bed. Admittedly, I took a pain pill at bedtime, but it was the best night sleep I have had in a month. I was tired, I slept hard and it felt good :) Wonderful.
The crazy part about yesterday, which sounds absolutely ludicrous, is that I bought a darling stationery company... Write Away. It's a fun story, but the closing was supposed to take place right as my health went terribly south. We rescheduled twice, which I can't say enough for the kindness and understanding of the girls who sold it to me. And yesterday was the day. I used to laugh that my best exercise has become riding my kids to school on the bike, as that has been about all I could handle recently. Now, I wish I could do that! Getting showered and out the door to the lawyers office wore me slick! I am thrilled, though, beyond words, that I didn't have anything to set me back in the moment. It all went without a hitch and no one there new I was sick:) (So if anyone reads this little blog, you can buy some really cute gifts for Christmas!:))
I somewhat expected today to have it's white flags, with all the activity yesterday, but here I am! I am still surviving on steroids which is starting to work to my advantage if I continue to feel OK. They give me energy that I don't have on my own. I was able to make it up to the school with WHS for JLS' 50's party and we survived. I was able to work a little around the house, between rests, but it sure felt good to at least attempt to regain control of my house. Still a long way to go...
I look forward to tomorrow, as all the boys are in school and I know it's a needed day of forced rest. I don't want to take any more steps backward, only steps forward. It's a bit ironic that the last time my doctors mandated forced rest on the couch, I started Tippie Toads from my laptop. I was still on the couch! Now, I bought a stationery business. I can't take on anything more. So, no more couch-rest!
As for the drugs, I take my second round on Saturday and am actually looking forward to it. This time I only take two injections. Then, I will continue with 1 injection every two weeks forever...or until there is a cure...{yes, please!}
And lastly, since Babe started a new job, we have new insurance since this fiasco began. So, today, I initiated the transfer of the Humira to my insurance. Gratefully, I already have my second dose in my fridge. Surely...SURELY it cannot take as long as it did to get the first round.
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