...And Again....

After last weeks scope, I had to go back in yesterday for another since they couldn't see much of my stomach for all the food that was retained there.  Here is my note to my friends yesterday with the update:

Hey hey!  Here I am! :)  Again…so sweet are the texts and messages.  I know it seems so silly, but each one seriously lifted my spirits today.  Today, I had John with me.  I was working harder to keep him sane than he was me.  As I told the nurse after his 20th question in 5 minutes….”This is why I brought my Mom last time! :)”  He had his notebook and pen and did a good job of taking notes for us.  We are a team!

So….phew.  Where to start.

1-The ulcers they found in my stomach are pretty ugly and deep….one they believe to be perforated or perforating.  That isn’t news to me.  What he originally thought was that those were NOT Crohns ulcers, but they are.  From the biopsies of the ulcers, they found that I have CMV…cytomegalovirus.  This is a common virus that is all over the place, but not everyone gets it except for those lucky enough to have an immune compromised body like me. 

2-Because of my surgeries, I have two exits to my stomach.  Both are ulcerated and both are obstructed by inflammation.  Surgery is imminent. :(  

3-However…before I can have surgery, I absolutely HAVE to get rid of the CMV and he really wants the ulcers to be healed or healing.  I can respect that as he wants my body in the best possible shape for surgery.  He does feel that the increased pain and issues I have had since the Fall are related to the CMV and is hopeful that I will have a great deal of relief when we treat it.

4-Plan:  See an infectious disease doctor to get the CMV taken care of.  Manage the ulcers with a new medication and get my body ready for surgery.  

5-If I can handle it, I am hoping to be healed and strong by the end of the summer for surgery.

Spiritual matters.  There is no way to separate my faith from my experiences here.  As you know, we have been so moved to tears, joy, peace, laughter, and more tears over my failing body.  It has certainly been an emotional roller coaster for both of us over the years.  I have been to 5 GI doctors alone in my years of illness and there has been one consistent message we have received from every single one.  My first doctor in Tulsa called me an NCS.  The name he gives his patients that are “Non-Complaining Souls.”  The doctor at Mayo Clinic told me if I was on the Oregon Trail, he would put his money on me making it to Oregon. When I didn’t understand he said that most people in my “condition” are in a wheelchair.  Today, my doctor looked at John and told him in his Turkish accent, “She is STRONG woman!  Most of my patients that look like her are completely debilitated. She has strong will.”  (as if he didn’t already know my strong will ;))

I say this not to give myself kudos..at all.  Because I don’t feel strong at all.  In fact, I feel pretty broken internally most days.  I say this to tell you and all the friends of friends and perfect strangers from all the prayer lists in my hometown and here that you have put me on, that those prayers are COMPLETELY sustaining me.  I am not tough.  I am not strong. Sure there are days that are harder than others, but I get to be a mom to 3 hooligans and I get to play tennis twice a week, I run my own business.  I GET to live a pretty amazing life free of a wheelchair and not from a bed.  (I cannot fathom!!) There is no way I have the power and the strength to do that on my own.  There is absolutely no way I could will myself to be OK despite my internal health.  The ONLY possible answer is that your prayers are heard and being heard and please don’t stop!  We are So.Grateful.  I am SO.Grateful. for this life I have.

My surgery is going to be really complicated.  It’s not going to be easy for any of us.  I am officially scared.  But I KNOW without a doubt that I am fully covered in prayer, thanks to you, and I could not ask for anything more.

As I left the doctor he said, “This is complicated.  You are complicated.  But don’t you worry because we “do" complicated here.  We can fix complicated.  It is just going to take time.”  Praise. The. Lord.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  II Corinthians 12:9-10