August 21, 2011
So, we have some good news! When I had an endoscopy at the beginning of July my GI doctor said he barely touched my ulcer as it was "bleeding like crazy." After a month of meds, there was no report of bleeding in the endoscopy I had a Mayo Clinic. I was thrilled to hear this in my follow-up with the GI doctor there. He was a pretty serious man. When I said, "That is great news...isn't it?" He stared at me and I repeated, "That's an improvement, right?" He smiled and said, "You have lots of room for improvement, but yes, I guess that's an improvement." He went on to tell me that he believed that if I was on the wagon train to Oregon, I would have made it without a doubt. He told me that most people in my condition roll in to his office in a wheelchair. He went on to tell me how bad they looked inside and out. He said I was a very sick girl, yet I looked nothing like them.
That has really stuck with me. My previous doctor in Tulsa, whom I loved, told me he put me in the "NCS" category of patients....the "Non-Complaining Souls." I don't say these things because I am trying to be a martyr for the cause or praised for being tough. I do have pain...and a lot of it. But, I certainly don't feel close to a wheelchair! Who wants to be down and out? I want to be a mom and a good one...and a wife and a friend. I want to enjoy life! So, there are probably more days than I will admit that I feel pretty bad. But, I don't want my disease to define my life. It didn't click with me until last week. I have prayed for years, 15 years, for healing. I know I have had many prayers put up on my behalf from loving family and friends and myself! On the discouraging days, I sometimes think, "Why can't I be that miracle? God can heal me, so why isn't He? Why do I have to go thru this?" Last week made me realize that God IS answering my prayers and I AM a miracle. I am a miracle in that I am not in that wheelchair Dr. Tremaine mentioned. I am not miserable. I am not living my life completely around my disease. I have had THREE beautiful and healthy boys in the midst of 15 years of a tough illness. Nobody can tell by looking at me that I am sick. I have pain, but that can be worked around. I have found diet as a relief for my pain. I AM a miracle. My prayers ARE being answered. God has heard all those prayers. I truly believe that those prayers are being answered today. He is guiding me to this special diet, but I also believe while I have had incredible pain in my life, a lot of pain may have been prevented.
When I left Dr. Tremaines office, I was determined to get him to smile. As I left him, I turned around and told him that I was, indeed, heading to Oregon and I would see him there. I am NOT giving up!
He laughed. Mission accomplished.
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