A Reluctant Health Nut Advocating for Herself

I am amazed daily at the eye-opening moments that I have about my health.  I am also amazed at the opportunities the Lord continues to bring to me to share what I have learned.   This journey is a reluctant one.  I am reluctantly healthy.  I love sweets.  I love to eat.  I am retraining my brain to "Eat to Live" instead of "Live to Eat".   Eating is social for me.  I love to entertain.  I love to cook big meals.  I have been "forced" into this journey, but willingly forced.  I mean, who doesn't WANT to be healthy, right?   I just don't feel that I am an expert on health and nutrition, but I do have a passion for sharing what I am learning.

When we are sick, we go to doctors.  I was trained in the medical model as a therapist...find the symptoms and treat them.  That's what MD's are taught.  I am learning that this is not what I want for my body at all.  Our symptoms are "red flags" telling us there is something wrong with a bigger system.  So, if we treat the symptom, we are covering up the warning signs and we are totally missing the bigger picture.  I want to find the root of the problem and treat that...not just the symptom.  I take my sister as an example.  For years she had migraines.  She took migraine medicine, struggled thru lots of pain without 100% relief.  She found out accidentally thru a stress fracture that, in fact, she had Celiac Disease and probably had for 15 years.  Once she changed her diet, do you think she had migraines?  Nope.  The migraines were her red flag.  A red flag that they consistently tried to cover up.  She is now trying to heal her body of thyroid disease and osteoporosis (at age 44) because of all the years of untreated inflammation causing malnourishment.  She never had a GI symptom.

I have also found that while there is a place for medication, I don't want the big guns that I have ingested running thru my veins any more.  They are causing their own problems in my body.  Being ill is enough to deal with.  I certainly don't need to deal with side effects of the drugs that are supposed to be making me better.  I want to try a natural remedy as my first line of defense.  I fully believe that God created plants and flowers and leaves and barks for a purpose....all the many places we get natural healing oils and products.  He didn't give us a pharmacy when he put man on earth.  He put man on earth in a garden full of trees and flowers and plants.  He gave man everything we needed...and without side effects!  I believe we have created our own need for a pharmacy.  Most doctors aren't telling us about eating healthy to eliminate our illnesses, obesity, etc.  As a population, I would say that many of us would rather "pop a pill" than make the effort to eliminate our every day "bad habits".  Even worse...go thru surgery because we don't want to eat healthy, but want to be thin.  It's much easier, right?  When I told one doctor that the only relief I found from my pain (despite loads of painkillers) was changing my diet.  He replied, "Thats hogwash!"  He prescribes drugs...not a healthy diet.

I know I am in a unique position.  I have a medical background.  I have endured Crohns Disease, getting progressively worse for 20 years.  I am able to tell my doctors things that maybe someone without the medical knowledge couldn't.  On top of that, my favorite GI doctor in Tulsa told me that Crohn's patients tend to know their bodies better than any other patient.  I know "the why" behind meds and understand why one might work and another wouldn't.  Or in my case, why none of them work for me.  I can explain the difference between 10 different ways my tummy hurts...seriously, it amazes my husband every time.

I have always felt that my Crohn's Disease began in high school after a long bout with Tetracycline that my dermatologist prescribed.  I was on it indefinitely and prophylactically.   Subsequently, I got "puffy" for no reason, and had a yeast infection at the same time.  That was the beginning, that I know now, of having a Candida Overgrowth.  My doctors now don't know how to comment on that matter...at all.  It is becoming much more accepted and believed that with our generation of antibiotic-users a high percentage of people have Candida Overgrowth.  Within the year, I had my first tummy pain and each year got worse and worse until I was facing emergency surgery to open my stomach.  Based on how I feel, I believe my Crohn's began due to overuse of antibiotics prescribed by my dermatologist.  It killed the good bacteria.  We didn't know about probiotics then, so the good bacteria was never replaced and the bad bacteria took over.  With all the bad bacteria in my body, my immune system was suppressed and the Crohn's Disease appeared.  I was probably harboring it in my body and because my immune system was suppressed, it couldn't fight it off.  And so began my fight against Crohns Disease.

I have never been comfortable with suppressing my immune system in an effort to control my Crohn's Disease.  But that is the only treatment that works for me currently.  However, it is funny as I recently read that new studies are revealing that Crohns can be treated by balancing the good bacteria in the gut.  If they had asked me years ago.....

I regret having the surgeries I did, as had I known I could treat the inflammation with diet and essential oils, I would most certainly have done that.  But I didn't know.  Just like we didn't know that Tetracycline would have so many bad lasting effects.  The bottom line is that you have to advocate for yourself.  Don't trust everything your doctor tells you.  Research it. Read about it.  Find out "the why".  This is YOUR body.  And you only get one healthy body.  Treat it...like a temple.  Just as scripture tells us to.  I don't think people fully understand that until you have faced bad health.  It's no fun and certainly not at such a young age.  I am 39 and have been "sick" since I was 20....half my life.

I don't want to say that I have lost faith in Western Medicine, but I have gained faith in Eastern Medicine as a first line of defense.  I believe in natural remedies, if not for any other reason than God put them on the earth for a reason.  Eat as pure as possible and eliminate nasty preservatives from your diet.  And finally, you MUST advocate for yourself.  Don't assume that the doctors have it all right!  Read, dig, research, and come up with your own opinion as well.

Truth!

I had an "ah-hah" moment in my bible study last semester.  I have lots of those moments, but this one particularly pertained to my health.  There are moments where I get discouraged and watch others eating freely or envy those in great health.  Oh...to be perfectly healthy!  I never thought much of my health until I didn't have it.

Being a Believer and a Jesus-lover, I pray a LOT....and a whole lot for my health.  I know that God can heal me on the spot.  I know it.  So, I often wonder, "Why not me?"  "Why don't You heal me?"

In my Bible Study I got my answer knocked over my head.  God ALWAYS answers your prayers.  He either gives you a "YES" or a "NO", but He always uses it for His Glory.  To which I was stopped cold in my tracks.  I am being used for God's Glory!  What greater privilege is there than that?   Truly.  Let that sink in.   Along with so many praying friends, friends of friends, friends of my family,   and perfect strangers, I have been praying for my health going on 15 years.  FIFTEEN YEARS of praying to be healed is a long time.  But I know that God is on my side, I know that He hears us and I know that his purpose is so much bigger than me.  I AM being used for His Glory.

Then this came across my email today.

Amen.

Praise the Lord for a Broken Body

My family made a big decision to leave our very comfortable life and take a leap of faith.  It was truly our hearts being lead by prayer that went against everything our brains were telling us.  We wanted more land and space for our 3 boys to play, we wanted to get our hands dirty again.  We wanted to simplify our lives, our children's lives and reconnect with our small town roots.  BUT...we left great friends, fabulous neighbors, our elementary school, the home we built and loved.  As prayer would have it, it ALL worked out and we love our new home and school even more than we thought we could.

Last weekend was gorgeous and it was time to commence the first of our many outdoor projects.  It was time to get our fingernails dirty!  So, we began to move thousands of pounds of river rocks.  There is a flower bed next to my house that I want to turn into my herb garden and it was filled with layers of river rocks.  {far more than we thought at first glance!} Our plan was to remove the rocks, till the soil, add compost, plant herbs and line the bed with some of the river rocks.  It was a big job and a back breaking job.  As I plucked those rocks from the ground and threw them into the wheelbarrow, I hurt.  I pushed the wheelbarrow to our back yard over and over again and couldn't help but to praise God for my broken body.  

My body is, indeed, broken and I have rough days...sometimes days that are intolerable.  But, praise the Lord I was enjoying that gorgeous day with my family.  All the boys were helping with the River Rock cause and we were having a fabulous time together getting dirty, sweating and moving rocks.  What a joy!  I often think back to that less-than-encouraging Mayo Clinic doctor who looked at my studies and looked me in the eye and told me I should be in a wheelchair.  He told me my insides were so debilitated that he didn't know how I was standing in front of him with a smile on my face.  Even though my body was tired and moving river rocks is certainly not at the top of my list of things I would like to do, I was doing it!  I was using my arms and my legs and that alone is a HUGE blessing.  I should never take that for granted!

Fast forward a few hours.  Our two-day job was complete, we were beat and I headed straight to a hot bath.  As I sat on the couch relaxing, my old sprained ankle started to swell.  The longer I sat, the more joints started to ache.  Then, my sniffling nose that I had been fighting became a full-blown cold.  Very quickly I became miserable.  For the next two days I couldn't get out of bed.  I blame every bit of this reaction on being on the Humira.  It's purpose is to take my immune system down to nothing so my auto-immune disease doesn't fight my own body.  That is wonderful if you are just considering my Crohn's Disease.  But if you consider my ability to rebound after a really hard days work....its no fun.  My body was so depleted and tired that it just couldn't fight off the cold any more, and it took two days to repair the joint and muscle pain.  But PRAISE the LORD, right?  Indeed!  Humira has bad consequences for me.  BUT....it got me out of the hospital and out of excruciating pain.  Joint and muscle pain and a cold are not fun, but from my perspective it is cause to praise.  I am here!  I am enjoying my family.  My children have a mother who can participate in their life and we can be together as a family.  

Praise the LORD for a broken body.  For a broken body is better than no body.

I Believe in Thieves!

Well....It has been awhile since I have posted.  For the most part, I have been well.  Typically when I travel is when I start to feel bad.  I get out of my routine, tend to eat foods I don't usually eat and then I get bloated and the pain starts.  So...as long as I stay at home...  No, I still get sick because I am no where close to being perfect.  I KNOW what to do, though, when I start to feel bad and for that I am SO grateful.  I just get really strict with my diet and within 24 hours, my body is singing.

As of November 2013, I have been on Humira for a year.  I resisted it for years, but, in the end, I had the choice of the Humira or removing my stomach.  I opted for Humira.  I resisted it for the fear of the side effects, namely cancer.  However, once I started it, I slowly but surely returned to my old self.  The pain in October of 2012 that took me to the ER and ultimately my untimely hospital stay was the most excruciating pain I have ever endured.  I had moments where I fought passing out because the pain was so great and no amounts of Vicadin came close to touching it.  I welcomed the morphine each time I re-entered the hospital.  It was a dark place to be.  Ironically, it was also the brightest place I have been in a long time because of the friends and family and prayers that surrounded and sustained me.  God is good...even in the hardest times!  But truthfully, the Humira did work, too.

Right at one year, I started having some wonky symptoms that I know have to do with the Humira.  Humira basically suppresses my auto-immune system and after being on it for a year, I think I am just about suppressed.  Again, a blessing that I have not contracted all the flu's and viruses  I was warned about.  Another reason I am so grateful that my friends and family continue to keep me on every prayer list in town.  We have truly been sustained by prayers for the last year.

My first weird issue was that I had a blocked salivary gland under my tongue.  It was more a nuisance than anything.  I read to eat lemon drops to make your salivary glands secret and it actually hurt more!  They were secreting, but they weren't unclogging!  The dentist finally told me if it didn't go away, I would need to get it lanced.  Seriously...one more additional visit to another -ologist just might put me over the edge.  I was determined to rid myself of that thing by myself.

A friend of mine introduced me to Essential Oils and Thieves Oil was one of them.  She told me to put a few drops of Thieves oil in water and swish it every night.  I kid you not, after weeks of the dentist-recommended mouth wash and tricks not working, every night I swished Thieves.  It got smaller and smaller and then it was gone!

Since then, I have acquired strange happenings with my gums.  I am fanatical about brushing and flossing my teeth and always get excellent reports for my cleanings. I LOVE getting my teeth cleaned.  But in November, my status plummeted. My gums were very sensitive and bleeding.  They actually started to burn when I ate anything with sugar in it.  {hence no sugars for me!}  They made me do the below the gums cleaning three times.  By the last cleaning they were stumped as my teeth had zero plaque and they were still bleeding.  My dentist said that Humira is really hard on your gums and that was the only answer.  By cleaning #2,  my dentist told me to get a waterpik and use a specific mouthwash.  No improvement...or not much.  I decided it was time to try the Thieves again.  Each night I brush my teeth and use the waterpik and swish with Thieves oil in water.

My last follow-up dentist appointment, they couldn't believe how great my gums looked!  And the only thing I changed...Thieves Oil.  After all the drugs I have been on...that haven't worked  and even those that have that have had further side effects, I want to be natural as possible.  When I first started this whole diet change, the detoxing I went thru was brutal.  I fully believe that I detoxed years of anesthesias, harmful drugs and all sorts of toxins remaining in my body.  I really don't want to add more!  Thieves Oil is my new saving grace.

I will admit that I joined Young Living so I could get the oils at a discount.  We are learning how to use all the oils for varying symptoms including, colds (Oregano Oil kills viruses!), upset tummies (Peppermint Oil), allergies (Lavendar)  I fully believe that God made plants to use medicinally before we ever had prescription drugs and insurance companies!  There is certainly a place for modern medicine, but if I can eliminate the overuse of modern medicine for the little things, I am THRILLED to be healthier and keep my kids healthier.

Baby steps.  I have learned about my food and the dangers of processed foods and am working to eliminate those.  Now, I am learning about essential oils and the oils used in the Bible  {remember Frankincense and Myrr?}  So excited to be finding new ways to help heal my body.  It's been thru the ringer.  But I do believe that I am on the up and up!

Aspartame Hurts...

I found this article on my Facebook feed.  The author of the blog I am re-posting is, like me, not the author of the actual article, but has the same sort of passion as I do from first hand experience.  I wanted to share it here for all to read, as well.  Food is powerful...powerfully good and powerfully bad.

A Killer In Your Fridge ~ Sweet Poison…A MUST READ

SEPTEMBER 2, 2013

tags: aspartame, diabetes, dizziness, fibromyalgia, headaches, lupus,migraines, ms, muscle spasms, nutra-sweet, splenda

In October of 2001, my sister started getting very sick She had stomach spasms and she was having a hard time getting around. Walking was a major chore. It took everything she had just to get out of bed; she was in so much pain.

By March 2002, she had undergone several tissue and muscle biopsies and was on 24 various prescription medications. The doctors could not determine what was wrong with her. She was in so much pain, and so sick she just knew she was dying.

She put her house, bank accounts, life insurance, etc., in her oldest daughter’s name, and made sure that her younger children were to be taken care of.

She also wanted her last hooray, so she planned a trip to Florida (basically in a wheelchair) for March 22nd.

On March 19, I called her to ask how her most recent tests went, and she said they didn’t find anything on the test, but they believe she had MS.

I recalled an article a friend of mine e-mailed to me and I asked my sister if she drank diet soda? She told me that she did. As a matter of fact, she was getting ready to crack one open that moment.

I told her not to open it, and to stop drinking the diet soda! I e-mailed her an article my friend, a lawyer, had sent. My sister called me within 32 hours after our phone conversation and told me she had stopped drinking the diet soda AND she could walk! The muscle spasms went away. She said she didn’t feel 100% but, she sure felt a lot better.

She told me she was going to her doctor with this article and would call me when she got home.

Well, she called me, and said her doctor was amazed! He is going to call all of his MS patients to find out if they consumed artificial sweeteners of any kind. In a nutshell, she was being poisoned by the Aspartame in the diet soda.. and literally dying a slow and miserable death

When she got to Florida March 22, all she had to take was one pill, and that was a pill for the Aspartame poisoning! She is well on her way to a complete recovery. And she is walking! No wheelchair! This article saved her life. If it says ‘SUGAR FREE’ on the label; DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!  I have spent several days lecturing at the WORLD ENVIRONMENTAL CONFERENCE on ‘ASPARTAME,’ marketed as ‘Nutra Sweet,’ ‘Equal,’ and ‘Spoonful. ‘In the keynote address by the EPA, it was announced that in the United States in 2001 there is an epidemic of multiple sclerosis and systemic lupus. It was difficult to determine exactly what toxin was causing this to be rampant. I stood up and said that I was there to lecture on exactly that subject.

I will explain why Aspartame is so dangerous: When the temperature of this sweetener exceeds 86 degrees F, the wood alcohol in ASPARTAME converts to formaldehyde and then to formic acid, which in turn causes metabolic acidosis. Formic acid is the poison found in the sting of fire ants. The methanol toxicity mimics, among other conditions, multiple sclerosis and systemic lupus.

Many people were being diagnosed in error. Although multiple sclerosis is not a death sentence, Methanol toxicity is!

Systemic lupus has become almost as rampant as multiple sclerosis, especially with Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi drinkers. The victim usually does not know that the Aspartame is the culprit. He or she continues it’s use; irritating the lupus to such a degree that it may become a life-threatening condition. We have seen patients with systemic lupus become asymptotic, once taken off diet sodas.

In cases of those diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, most of the symptoms disappear. We’ve seen many cases where vision loss returned and hearing loss improved markedly.

This also applies to cases of tinnitus and fibromyalgia. During a lecture, I said, ‘If you are using ASPARTAME (Nutra Sweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc) and you suffer from fibromyalgia symptoms, spasms, shooting, pains, numbness in your legs,
Cramps,
Vertigo,
Dizziness,
Headaches,
Tinnitus,
Joint pain,
Unexplainable depression, anxiety attacks, slurred speech, blurred vision, or memory loss you probably have ASPARTAME poisoning!’ People were jumping up during the lecture saying, ‘I have some of these symptoms. Is it reversible?’

Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
STOP drinking diet sodas and be alert for Aspartame on food labels! Many products are fortified with it! This is a serious problem. Dr. Espart (one of my speakers) remarked that so many people seem to be symptomatic for MS and during his recent visit to a hospice; a nurse stated that six of her friends, who were heavy Diet Coke addicts, had all been diagnosed with MS. This is beyond coincidence!

Diet soda is NOT a diet product! It is a chemically altered, multiple SODIUM (salt) and ASPARTAME containing product that actually makes you crave carbohydrates.

It is far more likely to make you GAIN weight!

These products also contain formaldehyde, which stores in the fat cells, particularly in the hips and thighs. Formaldehyde is an absolute toxin and is used primarily to preserve ’tissue specimens.’

Many products we use every day contain this chemical but we SHOULD NOT store it IN our body!

Dr. H. J. Roberts stated in his lectures that once free of the ‘diet products’ and with no significant increase in exercise; his patients lost an average of 19 pounds over a trial period. Aspartame is especially dangerous for diabetics. We found that some physicians, who believed that they had a patient with retinopathy, in fact, had symptoms caused by Aspartame. The Aspartame drives the blood sugar out of control. Thus diabetics may suffer acute memory loss due to the fact that aspartic acid and phenylalanine are NEUROTOXIC when taken without the other amino acids necessary for a good balance.

Treating diabetes is all about BALANCE.. Especially with diabetics, the Aspartame passes the blood/brain barrier and it then deteriorates the neurons of the brain; causing various levels of brain damage, Seizures, Depression, Manic depression, Panic attacks, Uncontrollable anger and rage. Consumption of Aspartame causes these same symptoms in non-diabetics as well. Documentation and observation also reveal that thousands of children diagnosed with ADD and ADHD have had complete turnarounds in their behavior when these chemicals have been removed from their diet.

So called ‘behavior modification prescription drugs’ (Ritalin and others) are no longer needed. Truth be told, they were never NEEDED in the first place!  Most of these children were being ‘poisoned’ on a daily basis with the very foods that were ‘better for them than sugar. ‘It is also suspected that the Aspartame in thousands of pallets of diet Coke and diet Pepsi consumed by men and women fighting in the Gulf War, may be partially to blame for the well-known Gulf War Syndrome.

Dr. Roberts warns that it can cause birth defects, i.e. mental retardation, if taken at the time of conception and during early pregnancy. Children are especially at risk for neurological disorders and should NEVER be given artificial sweeteners.

There are many different case histories to relate of children suffering grand mal seizures and other neurological disturbances talking about a plague of neurological diseases directly caused by the use of this deadly poison.’

Herein lies the problem: There were Congressional Hearings when Aspartame was included in 100 different products and strong objection was made concerning its use. Since this initial hearing, there have been two subsequent hearings, and still nothing has been done. The drug and chemical lobbies have very deep pockets.

Sadly, MONSANTO’S patent on Aspartame has EXPIRED! There are now over 5,000 products on the market that contain this deadly chemical and there will be thousands more introduced. Everybody wants a ‘piece of the Aspartame pie. ‘I assure you that MONSANTO, the creator of Aspartame, knows how deadly it is.

And isn’t it ironic that MONSANTO funds, among others, the American Diabetes Association, the American Dietetic Association and the Conference of the American College of Physicians?

This has been recently exposed in the New York Times. These [organizations] cannot criticize any additives or convey their link to MONSANTO because they take money from the food industry and are required to endorse their products. Senator Howard Metzenbaum wrote and presented a bill that would require label warnings on products containing Aspartame, especially regarding pregnant women, children and infants.

The bill would also institute independent studies on the known dangers and the problems existing in the general population regarding seizures, changes in brain chemistry, neurological changes and behavioural symptoms.  The bill was killed. It is known that the powerful drug and chemical lobbies are responsible for this, letting loose the hounds of disease and death on an unsuspecting and uninformed public. Well, you’re informed now!

Note:  I have been studying health and nutrition for 35 years.  What I’ve learned in the past 3 years has been by far…the most valuable.  My husband was diagnosed with liver disease 3 years ago and that sent me on a very aggressive search for help.  I came across an article about Dr. Otto Warburg that said…he won the Nobel Prize in 1931 for proving that no disease including cancer, can survive in an alkaline body.  From there…a friend told me about a Japanese medical device that makes alkaline water.  She went on to tell me that since our body is 70% water, drinking alkaline ionized water is the easiest way to raise your pH.  It makes perfect sense…the health “puzzle” is made up of many pieces including water, diet, exercise, sleep, etc.  But since 3/4 of that puzzle is made up of one big piece…WATER, drinking enough of the “right” kind of water will have a HUGE impact on your health.  If you’d like to learn more, click on the link and request your FREE eBook on Healthy Water:   http://www.usakangenwater.net

(just sharing this info from another blog…i’m not the author)

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Amazing Results

I know it, I know it, I know it.  I KNOW that if I stick to eating lean protein and veggies ONLY...no sugar, flour, grains....I feel amazing.  As of May 1, the day of my latest failed scope, I have been on my "Live-it".  Within two days, I had no pain, no vomiting, no bloating or inflammation, no reflux, or indigestion.  I lost 15 pounds right off the bat.  It's truly amazing the healing that takes place in my body when I exclude the sugar, flour, grains.  The only hard part is sticking to it.  But I have to and I am.  Every time I do it, we discover new great recipes and it gets easier.

It seems like such a basic concept:  Eat the food that God meant for us to eat. Period.  Don't eat preservatives and all the over-processed sugary foods.  I found this on Pinterest and how very true it is...

It doesn't surprise me anymore when people tell me that once they made the decision to change their diet, that their ailments of every kind go away.  Migraines, diabetes symptoms, psoriasis, all the crazy symptoms! The saying that "You are what you eat" rings true!  If you eat crappy food then your body reacts crappily :)  {I don't think that is a word, but you get it, right?}

Another point of note for me.  I still take my Humira shots.  I hope to not have to forever.  Before the diet, I knew by Thursday or Friday before my shot {I take them on Saturday} that it was time to take it.  I started to have break thru symptoms, felt just a little off.  This round, I made it to Monday before I realized I hadn't taken it.  No symptoms.  I FIRMLY believe that is because I am following a good diet.

This is not to say I am perfect.  I acknowledge that I make mistakes in my eating intentionally and unintentionally.  The best advice I received from a nutritionist was to not beat yourself up over the fact that you failed in that moment.  Pick yourself up and hop right back on.  By succumbing to the guilt, you will typically gorge and continue to take yourself down a losing streak.  If you brush yourself off and focus on getting back on track, you will continue to heal, continue to see results, and continue to feel amazing.

Go for it!  Healthy and unhealthy alike.  Eat right to heal.  Eat right to stay healthy.

Chin Up Buttercup!

I have SO many things to be grateful for.  In regards to my health, I am not enduring the unbearable pain I had in October and November.  I am not visibly ill.  I am not malnourished. I am functioning. :)  Truly grateful to just be functioning as a mom, a wife, a friend, a business owner.  I have been able to increase my endurance considerably.  I am back on the tennis court, I am walking and "trotting", but dare I say running :)  God has truly blessed me and my family.  I know this.  And every time I visit one of my doctors, I am reminded of it.

I had an endoscopy today because I have been having some break thru symptoms again.  Some pain, sensitivity to food, etc.  At my last doctor's visit he confirmed that should definitely NOT be happening on the Humira and wanted to take a peek.  My doctor has not been able to see the bottom of my stomach for over a year, as each time we have gone in, my stomach has been full of food.  It hasn't been emptying properly.  Thus, why the GI's in Houston felt it necessary to remove all the food in my stomach thru a tube in my mouth.  While I forgive them, they tortured my throat to the extent that it is still sensitive to cold foods. {In hind site I wonder why, instead of pulling all my food out over 5 hours, didn't they wake me up and induce vomiting? Wouldn't that have been easier?}

My doctor, whom I love, walked in after I was all prepped for the scope and said in this thick accent to his nurse anesthetist, "This one.  She's a fighter!"  While I appreciate his encouragement, I found the moment get lost in space as I sat there and wished I didn't have to be a fighter.  I had visions of the Mayo Clinic doctor telling me I should be in a wheelchair and for a brief moment wondered what it looked like to stop fighting.  And for that brief moment, I exhaled at the thought. And very quickly I jumped back into my wonderful life with my amazing husband and adorable children that never stop loving me.  Who wouldn't fight for this?  It's hard to keep it all together at times, but isn't that the lesson we are here to learn?  To trust in the Lord and lean not on our own understanding.  In ALL our ways acknowledge Him and He will make our paths straight.  He will take care of me.  He IS taking care of me.  After 15 years of doctors looking at me standing before them in disbelief at the severity of my illness, it has finally started to sink in that I really am a sick girl.  But I don't choose to be a sickly girl.

While I was lost in my thoughts, the nurse announced that she was going to relax me and the fabulous juice came and I flittered off into a good place.  I LOVE that juice!  What seemed to be a minute later, I woke up in my recovery room with a new nurse telling me the scope was aborted and my stomach was full of food.  They didn't want to risk aspiration.  I was still loopy and hoped I was just in a dream....but I wasn't.  They hadn't called Babe back yet and I was quickly becoming more coherent and I cried.  Babe came in and I cried more because he started to get tearful.  By the time my doctor came in, I was dried up and asked him, "What is wrong with me??"  He knelt down and said, that he honestly didn't know.  He can't see the exit to my stomach, it is obviously narrowed, it is obviously still working, but very very slowly.  I am on the best meds.  Surgery is my only option, but he, gratefully, doesn't want to encourage surgery, as there could be SO many other complications with surgery.  We have no plan aside from continuing on my current meds.  I was VERY sick six months ago and because I was SO sick it is possible that I could continue to see improvement with continued use of the Humira.  He ultimately confirmed my fear in that the narrowing in my stomach is, once again, a stricture or callous of sorts.  It can't be treated with anti-inflammatory drugs.  It can't be treated unless I have a complicated surgery...that I am not going to have any time soon.

He said that since I am not vomiting {i have a couple times, but nothing consistent} and I am feeling well, that we just proceed with treating me clinically.  ie..If I feel good, great.  He doesn't want to continue to do scopes and fail.  So...I have been instructed to chew well, eat healthy, and not eat things that can cause blockage.

Gratefully, Babe stepped in to make me dinner.  I was doing fine this afternoon until I started to get really hungry and then I got frustrated and then sad.  I really don't know what to think.  But I do know that God is good.  ALL the time.  And I have been given ample opportunities to just trust and be still and know the HE is God.