Ups and Downs

I don't think I ever thought in October that I would still be battling for healing in December.  I guess I assumed the new meds would be a miracle and abracadabra me into perfect health.  I was wrong.  I am still learning to be patient, but fear is creeping back into my thoughts.  I fear that "What if" the Humira doesn't completely heal me?  "What if" I STILL have to have surgery if those spots that still hurt are actually scar tissue? "What if" nothing gets me further along than what I am now?  OH, how I can think of the "What if's" and really spiral downward.

The fact of the matter is that after I wrote my last post, I went right back to ground zero after enjoying Thanksgiving dinner.  It was fabulous food, but it wasn't even close to worth the return of the pain.  I was so careful not to eat bread and only eat things that were soft and smooth.  The only guess I have is that it was a salty meal, which probably retained water and aggravated the already existing inflammation in my gut.  OH, the pain.  I went back on the pain pills that I so proudly had not taken in at least a week.  I went back to bed and I went back to being non-functional for at least two days.  I was SO mad!

I have had at least one more sleepless night since then.  I keep reminding myself that I am having BY FAR more good days than bad days and I must stay focused on that huge fact.  Maybe its just that.  Maybe I should still expect some bad days {gulp}, but continue to recognize that there are far more good than bad days.  

Next shot on Saturday.  Praying for MORE healing, more energy, more peace and continued protection from adverse effects.

But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.
—Philippians 3:20–21 

AMEN!!