My Sentiments

I know I have mentioned it more than once, but John and I are just stupefied by the amazing amounts of kindness shown toward our family in the past month.  For me, it is so so easy to give.  I love to take care of people in need, make a meal, grab the kids, do the laundry. I am a task master and there are tasks, I am happy to help get the job done.  I know from being the type that likes to do those things that it is something I LIKE to do and its EASY for me to do.  I think nothing of it, when I am doing the giving.  Now...switch the tables and be on the receiving end and its SO hard to see SO many people do SO many things for all of us.  It seems like so much and so much sacrifice on our friends' part.  I have to keep reminding myself that these are our friends and they want to help us in the same way I would want to help them.  A daily reminder to just be still and say, "Thank you."  Why is that SO hard?

A friend emailed me today and asked how I was doing and I feel like I finally {sort of} got into words the way I feel.  Not only do I have a hard time "receiving", but I have had to work hard over the last couple years to let my family and definitely my friends in on my pain.  I don't want them to worry, even though its gotten to be so obvious when I am in pain.  It has been comical at times when I am in a ball writhing on the floor with John panicking asking what's wrong and I am grunting, "Nothing, Babe.  I am just fine."  He doesn't take to that so well :)

So here was my answer to my friend.  The power of prayer has always brought me to tears.  To be the direct receiver of prayer in moments of mind-boggling pain...(catatonic as my mom tells me) and to feel it lift is surreal. And then, only to discover a message from a friend (this happened more than once) that she just prayed for me... How do you put that into words?  How?

As for health...so-so.  I know I HAVE to be getting close to feeling better, as my drugs take 1-2 weeks to feel the positive effects.  Saturday will be one week.  I am getting better about admitting my pain (so hard for me to do) so I will admit that the last month has been excruciating.  However, there is no way to live thru that kind of pain and NOT search for the positive or the pain will literally eat you up.  Not only was the timing PERFECT that John was between jobs for 6 weeks while I have struggled for 5 of those weeks, but we have literally been "Living on a Prayer"  (I sing it daily in my head...lol!)  To discover moments that the pain was so great I couldn't see straight and then feel no pain....a friend would text and tell me she just prayed for me.  THAT is powerful.  To know that God was with me in that moment brings me to tears on a daily basis.  I can't tell you how many times I have cried in the last month over all the love and support we have received from so many people.  It's beyond humbling.  Bottom line...I may still be hurting, but it has to be temporary (it has to!) and we are covered in meals and prayers and support by so many.  We are lacking nothing in the way of amazing kindness and irreplaceable friends.

Truth.  Prayer is the  easiest gift. While it seems so intangible at times, for a girl working through SO much in the way of pain...its the most tangible gift I can receive!