Blessings

I have had this song on my iPod for a year and I play it over and over.  Every time I play it, I cry, rather sob.  Laura Story is the artist and she wrote it while her husband was undergoing treatment for a brain tumor. I was so proud of her when she won a Grammy for Blessings.  I know it touched my life and I am sure MANY others.   Listen to the song HERE and click Track 5. Here are the lyrics to follow along:

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise


So many of the lyrics hit my heart starting with "Blessings thru Raindrops," which is why I even started My Intestimony.  I know that God will turn my illness into a blessing, be it for me, or for someone else.  The "Thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near" and "the trials of this life are your mercies in disguise."  How many times can we all admit that Garth Brooks "Unanswered Prayers" has applied to our lives?  It's the same thing to know that ANY trial of our life is going to produce real fruit if we just hang on for the blessing to come.  God is FOR us, He loves us and He will not harm us.


I start to cry by the second verse:
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe


I know how many times I have prayed for healing and also the tears of frustration and pain that follow.  I am ashamed when I am angry or when I don't feel that God is near...I know the Lord has bigger plans and He is just saying, "Penny!  Please trust me.  My plan is so much bigger than you!"  (See...I am crying now!)  I often think about my pain and think about how many OTHER people have had greater pain and how Jesus suffered to his DEATH on the cross..for me!  How can I complain about pain?


I know with confidence that I am learning about trials period.  I have had a great life with no big waves to speak of.  I had faith in my heart and in my mind, but now I am really learning to put it to the test.  And, I am being tested for sure.  Even more difficult for me than the pain, is the fact that it affects my family...and my kids!  I cry every time I think of missing something of theirs because of my health.  However, there are days like today where I just can't pretend I don't feel good.


And this part really gets me:
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home


SO TRUE!  If anyone would have ever asked me what my greatest fear was 10 years ago, I would have said without missing a beat "Eternity."  I know I am going to Heaven, I know thats where I want to be, and I know its GLORIOUS!  But I CANNOT comprehend eternity...forever and ever and ever and I drown in those thoughts and actually start to have a panic attack.  What is eternity?  My feelings have certainly done a 180 since then.  While I still don't comprehend eternity and am thrilled beyond words to be assured I am spending eternity in Heaven and not in Hell, I actually dream about being in Heaven.  To be without pain and to be able to be "normal" in how I eat (Do we even eat in Heaven?)  Just the thought of being renewed and my body will be whole again....(tears again!)  


Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy


Earth is NOT our home.  This is NOT our home and we should not get too comfortable here...because something beyond words is waiting for us! WHY in the world would we choose EARTHLY treasures for this short time when we will be in HEAVEN FOREVER?  (slight anxiety!)  If you have never thought about it that way...it's probably time you did. ;)

And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise